space douches Archive

Star Trek Re-Watch: “By Any Other Name”

– June 11, 2010 1:54 amPosted in: TOS Re-Watch

“By Any Other Name”
Story by Jerome Bixby
Teleplay by D.C. Fontana and Jerome Bixby
Directed by Marc Daniels

Season 2, Episode 21
Production episode: 2×21
Original air date: February 23, 1968
Star date: 4657.5

Mission summary

Enterprise follows a distress signal to a planet, but when Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, Lt. Shea, and Yeoman Thompson beam down to investigate the source, they can’t find any life signs or evidence of a ship, only readings on some “small metallic objects.” Soon they do pick up two life signs, and a man and a woman enter the clearing. The man demands control of Kirk’s ship and presses a button on a box affixed to his belt, freezing the members of the landing party where they stand. He introduces himself:

I am Rojan of Kelva. I am your commander from this moment on. Any efforts to resist us or to escape will be severely punished.

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Tags: aliens, emotion, galactic barrier, human bodies, invaders, someone takes over the ship, space douches, Spock is a Jedi, stimulation, teaching alien women how to love, ugly jumpsuits, Vulcan mind probe

Star Trek Re-Watch: “The Gamesters of Triskelion”

Eugene Myers & Torie Atkinson

– April 22, 2010 12:27 amPosted in: TOS Re-Watch

“The Gamesters of Triskelion”
Written by Margaret Armen
Directed by Gene Nelson

Season 2, Episode 16
Production episode: 2×17
Original air date: January 5, 1968
Star date: 3211.7

Mission summary

Enterprise is assigned to check on the automatic communications and astrogation stations on an uninhabited planet, Gamma II. Kirk, Uhura, and Chekov are all set to beam down when they abruptly disappear from the transporter pad without the usual shining and whining beam effect. Scotty’s a miracle worker, but even he isn’t good enough to work the transporter without touching the controls—he has no idea what happened, or where they are. Spock is dubious.

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Tags: Barbarella, brains, face punching, free will, gambling problems, half-naked man-wrestling, love conquers all, quatloos, slavery, space douches, transporter malfunction

Star Trek Re-Watch: “Catspaw”

Eugene Myers & Torie Atkinson

– October 30, 2009 9:04 pmPosted in: TOS Re-Watch

“Catspaw”
Written by Robert Bloch
Directed by Joseph Pevney

Season 2, Episode 7
Production episode: 2×01
Original air date: October 27, 1967
Star date: 3018.2

Mission summary

Kirk is worried because the landing party surveying planet Kyris VII missed their scheduled check-in. Neither Scotty nor Sulu respond on communicators, but finally crewman Jackson contacts the ship with a request for transport—alone. He ignores Kirk’s questions about the people he really cares about, so they beam Jackson up. As soon as he materializes on the transporter pad he falls over, dead. Another transporter accident? No, because a cheesy voice trying to be scary emanates from Jackson’s mouth:

Captain Kirk, can you hear me? There is a curse on your ship. Leave this place or you will all die.

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Tags: black cats, cthulhu, halloween, haunted house, macbeth, puppets, skeletons, space douches, witches

Star Trek Re-Watch: “Who Mourns for Adonais?”

Torie Atkinson & Eugene Myers

– September 8, 2009 12:00 pmPosted in: TOS Re-Watch

“Who Mourns for Adonais?”
Written by Gilbert Ralston
Directed by Marc Daniels

Season 2, Episode 2
Production episode: 2×04
Original air date: September 22, 1967
Star date: 3468.1

Mission summary
The Enterprise is completing a survey mission of Pollux IV, an M-class planet with a “strange lack of intelligent life.” Spock describes it as “quite ordinary,” which should be your first clue that it’s probably a death trap. The second clue comes when the viewscreen, which previously displayed a beautiful image of the blue planet, now shows the image of a giant green hand.

CHEKOV: Am I seeing things?
SULU: Not unless I am, too. Captain, that thing’s a giant hand!

But wait, is it?

KIRK: What is it, Mr. Spock? Is it a hand?

Guys, it’s a hand. Really. This isn’t so hard.

UHURA: It’s almost as if it means to grab us!

Maybe it just wants to…lend a hand?

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Tags: aliens probably built the pyramids too, apollo, greek gods, religion, sexism, space douches, the gods must be crazy

Star Trek Re-Watch: “Errand of Mercy”

Eugene Myers & Torie Atkinson

– July 3, 2009 7:33 pmPosted in: TOS Re-Watch

“Errand of Mercy”
Written by Gene L. Coon
Directed by John Newland

Season 1, Episode 26
Production episode: 1x 27
Original air date: March 23, 1967
Star date: 3198.4

Mission summary
Peace talks between the Federation and the Klingon Empire are breaking down, so the Enterprise is ordered to Organia, which isn’t a sex resort like it sounds, but a planet of “peaceful, friendly people living on a primitive level.” Actually, that still sounds like a sex resort, doesn’t it? Organia’s only value is its strategic military location; Kirk compares it to Armenia and Belgium in Earth’s history, “the weak innocents who always seem to be located on the natural invasion routes.” They must reach the planet before the Klingons and prevent them from establishing a base there. Starfleet Command’s communique also mentions the possibility of a surprise Klingon attack. Not long after decoding this message, the Enterprise is indeed attacked, but they quickly destroy the enemy ship. The debris hasn’t even cleared before they receive a code one alert from Starfleet. “Well, there it is,” Kirk says. “War. We didn’t want it, but we’ve got it.” And without a store receipt, they can’t even exchange it for something they do want. Committed to their duty, they set course for Organia at warp seven.

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Tags: have fun storming the castle!, Kirk likes chess, klingons, old dungeons, Organians, space douches, war

Star Trek Re-Watch: “Arena”

Eugene Myers & Torie Atkinson

– June 4, 2009 6:24 pmPosted in: TOS Re-Watch

“Arena”
Written by Gene L. Coon (from a story by Fredric Brown)
Directed by Joseph Pevney

Season 1, Episode 18
Production episode: 1×19
Original air date: January 19, 1967
Star date: 3045.6

Mission summary

Captain Kirk and some of his crew prepare for a fancy dinner on Cestus III, an Earth observation outpost in a largely unexplored area of space. Their host, Commodore Travers, is well known for his hospitality and they’re all looking forward to a good meal and entertainment. Instead, when they beam down they discover that Cestus III has been destroyed—and its literally cold-blooded alien attackers are still there. Since the massacre must have occurred several days before, it seems the invitation from Travers was faked to lure the Enterprise to the planet.

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Tags: Angels, does he get a special boy scout badge for that bamboo cannon?, gunpowder, lizard men, rocks, space douches, the outer limits

Star Trek Re-Watch: “The Squire of Gothos”

Torie Atkinson & Eugene Myers

– June 2, 2009 5:28 pmPosted in: TOS Re-Watch

“The Squire of Gothos”
Written by Paul Schneider
Directed by Don McDougall

Season 1, Episode 17
Production episode: 1×18
Original air date: January 12, 1967
Star date: 2124.5

Mission summary
The Enterprise is en route to Colony Beta Six to deliver supplies, and must first pass through a “Star Desert”—a barren section of space with no known planets or solar systems. The Star Desert seems to be a misnomer—there’s a planet right there! An iron-silica planet, totally inhospitable to life, and not shown anywhere on the star charts. Kirk doesn’t have the time to stick around and investigate, so he tells Sulu to maneuver around the planet. Sulu does so, then stumbles as if drunk, before vanishing completely. Kirk rushes to Sulu’s station and disappears himself.

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Tags: it was a child all along (he's not a child he's 34!), props department gone wild, space douches

Star Trek Re-Watch: “Shore Leave”

Torie Atkinson & Eugene Myers

– May 27, 2009 5:12 pmPosted in: TOS Re-Watch

“Shore Leave”
Written by Theodore Sturgeon
Directed by Robert Sparr

Season 1, Episode 15
Production episode: 1×17
Original air date: December 29, 1966
Star date: 3025.3

Mission summary
The Enterprise stumbles upon a lush paradise planet, green and peaceful. Aside from strangely lacking in any animals or other life forms, the planet is reminiscent of Earth. Since the ship’s crew has had a grueling three months, Kirk agrees to survey the place as a possible site for shore leave, which is a little mysterious since there’s absolutely nothing to do down there. I guess there’s no Risa yet. Sulu and McCoy beam down to take some readings, and everything seems to check out…just a little bit too well. “It’s like something out of Alice in Wonderland,” McCoy remarks.

Then, out of nowhere, a huge white rabbit appears, checking its gold watch. “I’m late!” he cries, and runs off. The rabbit is followed by a little girl in blue. McCoy looks absolutely terrified.

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Tags: half-naked man-wrestling, space douches, space hussies

Star Trek Re-Watch: “The Corbomite Maneuver”

Torie Atkinson & Eugene Myers

– May 7, 2009 4:34 pmPosted in: TOS Re-Watch

“The Corbomite Maneuver”
Written by Jerry Sohl
Directed by Joseph Sargent

Season 1, Episode 109
Production episode: 1×02
Original air date: November 10, 1966
Star date: 1512.2

Mission Summary
The Enterprise, gloriously star-mapping previously uncharted space, is approached by a strange object: a cube. The mysterious cube blocks the Enterprise’s path, and Spock, currently in command, tries to out-maneuver it (to no avail). He alerts Kirk, who had been otherwise gratuitously shirtless for a physical exam, back to the bridge.

Unable to hail it, communicate with it, or dodge it, the Enterprise remains stuck for eighteen hours. Kirk convenes a meeting of the bridge crew but they are unable to determine its nature or intent. Spock guesses that the cube is one of two things: some kind of space buoy, or flypaper.

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Tags: bones being awesome, bravado, child-like aliens, corbomite, evil geometry, machismo, space douches, spock being kind of a jerk