space douches Archive

Star Trek: The Next Generation Re-Watch: “Déjà Q”

– March 28, 2013 8:00 amPosted in: TNG Re-Watch

dejaq285 “Déjà Q”
Written by Richard Danus
Directed by Les Landau

Season 3, Episode 13
Original air date: February 5, 1990
Star date: 43539.1

Mission summary

Enterprise is rendering assistance to Bre’el IV, which is about to say “goodnight, moon”— an asteroidal body on a decaying orbit will slam into the planet in twenty-nine hours unless they can devise a way to shove it back where it belongs. It’s just too damn big for the tractor beams to nudge it, which La Forge eloquently compares to “an ant pushing a tricycle.” To further complicate the situation, they’re paid an unexpected visit by an old adversary: Q literally drops in on the Bridge, in the buff. He smirks and greets them with, “Red alert.”

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Tags: curiosity about humans, data is fully functional, Guinan is cryptic, human bodies, laughter, naked man (no wrestling), one day data will be a real boy, q, selfless acts, space douches, that's no moon ok actually it is, what's a Berthold ray?

Star Trek: The Next Generation Re-Watch: “The Survivors”

Eugene Myers

– January 10, 2013 8:00 amPosted in: TNG Re-Watch

“The Survivors”
Written by Michael Wagner
Directed by Les Landau

Season 3, Episode 3
Original air date: October 8, 1989
Star date: 43152.4

Mission summary

Enterprise responds to a distress call at planet Rana IV, which was reportedly under attack by an unknown ship. But by the time they get there, the enemy is gone—along with all life and buildings on the surface. Eleven thousand colonists have been wiped out. No wait, make that 10,998. Scans show that there are two survivors located in an improbably intact square of land that contains a house and plant life.

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Tags: doomed colonies, evil music boxes, godlike powers, illusions, immortality sucks, loneliness, love kills, mysteries, playing detective, space douches, troi is useless, twilight zone, worf is wrong, worf lacks social skills

Star Trek: The Next Generation Re-Watch: “The Ensigns of Command”

Torie Atkinson

– January 3, 2013 8:00 amPosted in: TNG Re-Watch

“The Ensigns of Command”
Written by Melinda M. Snodgrass
Directed by Cliff Bole

Season 3, Episode 2
Original air date: October 2, 1989
Star date: Unknown

Mission summary

Picard and Crusher attend Data’s first violin recital, but are called away almost immediately by a message from the Sheliak, a non-humanoid race with Javert-like punctiliousness for the rule of law. It seems the Sheliak have found humans on the planet Tau Cygna V, which they plan to colonize in four days. The humans’ presence is a violation of the Armens treaty, negotiated over 100 years ago. Picard is skeptical any life could exist on that planet because of its extreme radiation levels, but Worf confirms that life is on the planet. Riker can’t imagine more than a few dozen colonists, so Data takes a shuttlecraft to bring the strays back into the fold.

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Tags: data plays violin, data shows us that robosexuality is wrong, doomed colonies, emotional women, even space hates lawyers, how to turn data on, one day data will be a real boy, space douches

Star Trek: The Next Generation Re-Watch: “Q Who”

Torie Atkinson

– October 4, 2012 8:00 amPosted in: TNG Re-Watch

“Q Who”
Written by Maurice Hurley
Directed by Rob Bowman

Season 2, Episode 16
Original air date: May 8, 1989
Star date: 42761.3

Mission summary

The Enterprise has a new arrival: manic pixie dream girl Ensign Sonya Gomez, who tries to charm us by being polite to replicators, babbling on incoherently, and spilling hot chocolate (so much cuter than coffee) on an unsuspecting Captain Picard. The captain heads to Officers’ Quarters (really? They have their own district away from the riff-raff?) but the turbolift dumps him instead onto a familiar-looking shuttlecraft out in the deepness of space… with Q.

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Tags: awful attempts at humor, borg, emotional women, finally something good has happened to our beloved legacy, geordi's a dork, godlike powers, men being arrogant douchebags, mysteries, q, space douches, stupid women

Star Trek: The Next Generation Re-Watch: “Where Silence Has Lease”

Torie Atkinson

– June 14, 2012 8:00 amPosted in: TNG Re-Watch

“Where Silence Has Lease”
Written by Jack B. Sowards
Directed by Winrich Kolbe

Season 2, Episode 2
Original air date: November 28, 1988
Star date: 42193.6

Mission summary

Worf invites Riker to the Klingon’s ultraviolent “calisthenics program,” a lengthy and pointless opening sequence that winds up being the most exciting part of these 44 minutes. The actual plot¹ begins² when the crew stumbles upon a “black void,” or what Data calls “nothing”: no sensor readings, no life signs, just a “hole in space.” This threatens to be interesting but it’s actually just Act I of an absurdist tragicomedy featuring a bridge with no exit.

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Tags: boring, fully clothed man-wrestling, godlike powers, man-off, phenomenal cosmic power, Pulaski hates Data, space douches, space vaginas, troi is useless, were they drunk when they threw this one together?, why did this have to happen to our beloved legacy, worf has baggage

Star Trek: The Next Generation Re-Watch: “Hide and Q”

Torie Atkinson

– January 26, 2012 8:00 amPosted in: TNG Re-Watch

“Hide and Q”
Story by C.J. Holland
Teleplay by C.J. Holland and Gene Roddenberry
Directed by Cliff Bole

Season 1, Episode 10
Original air date: November 23, 1987
Star date: 41590.5

Mission summary

The Enterprise is en route to Sigma III, where an explosion has threatened a mining colony. Hurtling through space at warp 9.1, the ship gets caught in a net–the same stock footage they saw back near Farpoint station. Sure enough and with his usual bad timing, Q blinks onto the bridge and informs Picard that the Q have become impressed by humans, and as such are offering Riker–and only Riker– “the realization of your most impossible dream.”

Alas, he doesn’t mean skipping to season 3.

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Tags: beardless wonder, costume closet raid, everyone loves riker, godlike powers, pinocchio syndrome, q, shakespeare, space douches

Star Trek: The Next Generation Re-Watch: “Justice”

Torie Atkinson

– January 12, 2012 8:00 amPosted in: TNG Re-Watch

“Justice”
Teleplay by Worley Thorne
Story by Ralph Willis and Worley Thorne
Directed by James L. Conway

Season 1, Episode 8
Original air date: November 9, 1987
Star date: 41255.6

Mission summary

After settling some colonists in the Strnad solar system, the Enterprise comes across a Eden-like M-class planet called Edo in the adjoining star system. A small away team has been down to make contact, and the locals are party animals. LaForge describes the Edo as “wild in some ways, actually puritanical in others. Neat as pins, ultra-lawful, and make love at the drop of a hat.” While Riker’s already got his bag packed, Picard thinks there must be some negatives. He allows a small party–including Wesley Crusher, for some reason–to beam down to test the place’s suitability for shore leave, but warns that they should “just hope it’s not too good to be true.”

Right on cue, the sensors start to go crazy–it’s reading that something else is in orbit around Edo, but no one can see it. Oh well. Nothing worth getting in the way of hot sex, right?

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Tags: APPDEB, awful costumes, bad costumes, bad history, eden, Garden of Eden, godlike powers, horrible horrible children, justice, sexy ladies, silly costumes, skimpy costumes, space douches, the boy, the gods must be crazy, were they drunk when they threw this one together?, wesley endangers the ship, why did this have to happen to our beloved legacy

Star Trek: The Next Generation Re-Watch: “Encounter at Farpoint”

Torie Atkinson

– December 1, 2011 8:00 amPosted in: TNG Re-Watch

“Encounter at Farpoint”
Written by D.C. Fontana and Gene Roddenberry
Directed by Corey Allen

Season 1, Episodes 1 & 2
Original air date: September 28, 1987
Star date: 41153.7

Mission summary

Captain Jean-Luc Picard has been assigned command of the USS Enterprise-D. Headed to Deneb IV to round up the rest of his shiny new crew, the Enterprise thumps right into a supernatural barrier. The space net won’t budge and Picard and his bridge officers are visited by Q, a seemingly omnipotent being who accuses the human race of being a violent, savage race of puppy-drowning kitten-snatchers. He demands that they turn tail and run back to Earth or he will kill them all.

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Tags: advanced aliens, aliens, androids, beardless riker, distinct lack of half-naked man-wrestling, freaky aliens, godlike powers, shakespeare, space douches, troi is useless

Re-watching Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

Torie Atkinson & Eugene Myers

– November 3, 2011 8:00 amPosted in: Movies

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

Screenplay by: David Loughery
Story by: William Shatner & Harve Bennett & David Loughery
Produced by: Harve Bennett
Directed by: William Shatner

Release date: June 9, 1989
Stardate: 8454.1

Mission Summary

Shore leave at Yosemite Park is cut short by a hostage situation on the planet Nimbus III, where a Vulcan named Sybok has taken three ambassadors hostage. The Enterprise is dispatched to resolve the situation, and they find that Sybok is Spock’s fully Vulcan half-brother. He has a unique ability to purge a person’s pain, a neat trick that both Spock and McCoy take him up on (Kirk refuses, saying his pain makes him human). Unfortunately, Sybok also happens to be a raving cultist in search of god at the planet Sha Ka Ree in the center of the universe. Meanwhile, a Klingon named Klaa is in pursuit of Kirk, for personal glory and because the movie needed explosions.

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Star Trek Animated Series Re-Watch: “How Sharper Than a Serpent’s Tooth”

Torie Atkinson & Eugene Myers

– August 4, 2011 8:00 amPosted in: Animated Series Re-Watch

“How Sharper Than a Serpent’s Tooth”
Written by Russell Bates and David Wise
Directed by Bill Reed

Season 2, Episode 5
Production episode: 22022
Original air date: October 5, 1974
Star date: 6063.4

Mission summary

In an ominous beginning, a mysterious space probe takes a scan of Earth’s system and then self-destructs. The Enterprise’s mission is to trace the imploded propulsion system’s destructive matter trail to its origin and find out where it came from and who sent it.

They don’t make it very far before they find a huge “crystalline ceramic” ship twice the size of the Enterprise. It’s pretty far away but they can’t get any closer for inspection–some kind of “globular force field,” firm yet flexible, has entrapped them. As the offending ship becomes more visible they realize it looks like a giant winged snake. Needless to say, it’s not anyone the Federation has had contact with before.

Luckily, this week’s minority helmsmen is Walking Bear, not Sulu, and he recognizes the ship’s design immediately: it looks kind of like the winged serpent Kukulkan.

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