One thing I keep telling people about my experience with TOS is that the highs are so very high, but the lows are so very, very low.
You can’t win ’em all, but Star Trek sometimes loses so badly. Here’s the rundown of the worst episodes.
Unwatchable:
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3×12 | “Plato’s Stepchildren“ |
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3×20 | “The Way to Eden“ |
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3×24 | “Turnabout Intruder“ |
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3×06 | “Spock’s Brain“ |
Just Plain Losers:
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1×20 | “The Alternative Factor“ |
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2×03 | “Friday’s Child“ |
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2×16 | “A Private Little War“ |
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2×25 | “The Omega Glory“ |
Our winner was, by far, “Plato’s Stepchildren,” which managed a Warp Core Breach from us both. Here are some choice adjectives from our review for good measure: ghastly, shambling, dreadful, loathsome, execrable, awful, embarrassing, laughable, horrible, unsatisfying, demeaning. That about sums it up!
Torie: Maybe it’s just rose-colored glasses, but most of those in the unwatchable category I don’t remember being as bad as they appear here. “Spock’s Brain” grew on me after seeing it, oh, fifty times, and “The Way to Eden” is kind of fun and at least has an interesting theme, even if it doesn’t actually deliver. Unfortunately, I still get some of those songs as earworms. “Plato’s Stepchildren,” on the other hand, is truly unforgivable. I can’t imagine seeing that again without some serious impairment of judgment on my part. And Turnabout… well, at least everyone can agree on that one.
This list doesn’t include some of my personal least favorites: “The Paradise Syndrome” (on par with “The Omega Glory” for Most Appallingly Racist), “The Mark of Gideon” (utterly incomprehensible), and “The Savage Curtain” (a complete waste of Abraham Lincoln). I’m shocked “The Empath” didn’t make it on the list, too. I remember really loathing that one much more than my score would indicate.
I’m going to give a special prize for most disappointing: “The Arena.” It still doesn’t do it for me.
Eugene: Coincidentally, this list also includes the next seven installments of LaughTreks…
Torie’s right about the rose-colored glasses, but I’m just going to trust the numbers; “The Way to Eden” already has fooled me into watching it more than once, and it’s not getting any better. From now on, I will refer to these episodes as the Red Shirts, because they’re dead to me.
We could certainly add a few others to the list of all-time worst episodes, most notably “The Empath” and “And the Children Shall Lead,” but otherwise this rundown looks about right and is much more clearcut than our top eight. I was most surprised by how intolerable “Plato’s Stepchildren” turned out to be, and I still can’t believe I didn’t recognize that when I was a kid. What’s not so surprising is that four of these episodes are season three episodes, with only one from the first season and three falling under the second. Despite the smattering of watchable episodes in the maligned final season, it seems its reputation is well deserved.
Fortunately, these still represent the minority of Star Trek episodes. On balance, the show was sometimes great, often good, and frequently entertaining. Eight bad apples (Oh yeah, “The Apple”! I feel like that should be here too…) out of seventy-nine is still fair odds that when you happen across a rerun while channel surfing, it’s probably safe to linger on the station for a while.
Next week: Introducing The Animated Series!
I’m going to remain firmly in the camp of the heretics and admit I quite enjoy Way to Eden, in the same way I enjoy the Trouble with Tribbles ep: it’s campy fun! Songs! Jokes! Knights of the Round Table (it’s only a model)! Et c.
Otherwise, yeah. And I’d replace Way to Eden with Paradise Syndrome, which, inexplicably, misses the eight worst list. It’s my second-worst, after Turnabout. *shudder*
Now off to the land of mortgages, away!
I’m also going to say that I liked “Way to Eden” somewhat more than you two herberts. Apart from the characterization problems of Kirk suddenly getting a stick up his butt, I suspect the biggest problem is that it is very much a cultural artifact of the late 60s.
I’m also going to stick up for “The Omega Glory” a little. Yes, the story has plot holes you could fly a Constellation class cruiser through, and yes, there are some serious racism issues, but Kirk’s recitation of the Preamble is oddly stirring. Also, the show has developed into a sort of meta-commentary on modern political discourse.
Other than that, I’m in large agreement. Like Eugene, I was taken a bit by surprise by “Plato’s Stepchildren” and I’m also a little surprised not to see “The Apple”, “The Savage Curtain”, or “The Empath”. I’m really looking forward to TAS.
Empath isn’t even on the list? Seriously?
As I said at the time, Way to Eden and Spock’s Brain are at least fun in their own way. Empath makes me angry.
Alright, bring on TAS! Does Eugene get the first one?
@1 CaitieCait
Mortgages? Good luck!
@2 DemetriosX
Yeah, we probably should have done a “Dishonorable Mentions” list, but it’s much more fun to let you all call out your picks for the worst episodes.
@3 ChurchHatesTucker
I’m looking forward to TAS as well! I know we’ve been taking our time getting to it, but we really did need a break. Every now and then, we need to focus on the work that feeds us, and the last few months have really taken their toll.
I think Torie was going to lead off the TAS re-watch, since I started the Star Trek Re-Watch. But that’s all still open to debate. Is there a particular reason you want me to take it on first? :P
I’ll be a Herbert. I hated Way to Eden even when I was a kid. It’s just wrong, man.
All in all, I think this is a pretty tight Nay list. I agree with all of them and it’s got my top three bottom feeders on it: Way to Eden, Spock’s Brain and Plato’s Stepchildren.
On an off topic note, I’m looking forward to the other Laugh Treks, even though I think you guys are crazy for watching those episodes over and over again. Are you sure a little bit of the rottenness didn’t seep into your brain? You could be damaged for life, you know.
I will say that the episode that most surprised me as being as bad as it is was “Plato’s Stepchildren”. I remembered it as being much better. Maybe that’s because Alexander is fairly sympathetic and Michael Dunn does a pretty good job considering what he has to work with.
I think Eugene mentioned that you’re going to do 2 episodes a week, since TAS episodes are only half and hour. Are you sticking with that and if so what’s the schedule?
You know, I wasn’t around these parts when the first season was being re-watched. (darn it.) I really wish I could have been here and defended the unjust scoring for what was really one of the series’ best episodes, The Alternative Factor.
This episode had everythig you could possibly want from a Star Trek Episode, cool ideas, facinating characters, and a truly heartbreaking ending. The idea of Laz and counter-laz forever trapped between universe in a battle neither could ever win or lose is as heartbreaking as the ending of The City On The Edge Of Forever. With a stellar plot and pitch-perfect dialog this episode should rank as an example of how to write an SF show…..
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I can’t keep it up…..man what a turkey, even as a kid I knew this stuck worse than our pig stye.
Like ‘Plan 9 from Outer Space’ is watchable through multiple viewings in a way better constructed yet tedious other sci-fi movies are not, so too is ‘The Way to Eden’ and ‘Spock’s Brain’ more watchable than other less obviously terrible but also less memorable Trek dreck (‘Turnabout,’ ‘Omega Glory,’ ‘The Children Shall Lead’).
Watching ‘Plato’s Stepchildren’ is like watching someone you admire very much getting shamelessly drunk and leering, groping and fondling, ultimately collapsing on the toilet in a spew of his own retching sickness. Not something you care to view a second time.
I continue to hold out the ‘The Empath’ was less terrible than others think, with some creepy but not totally stereotypical or unidimensional aliens and alien effects, rather good characterization among the Holy Trinity, and a cohesive theme in line with Trek values. I place it somewhere among the lows, but not the lowest of lows. It is an episode I could view again.
@5 Toryx
We’re not sure if we will do another LaughTrek, at least anytime soon. We were hoping it would get more attention than it did. We enjoyed doing the one for “Spock’s Brain,” but it did require considerable effort.
@6 DemetriosX
The plan is still two a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays I believe.
@7 bobsandiego
I originally read your comment in my e-mail and you had me going there for a while! I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Well played, sir.
@Eugene 9
Then sir, I have achieved my victory conditions. I was going to leave it entirely straight, but thought that a shade too dishonest, best come clean in the same post.
As to LaughTrex, man I can appreciate the work you two did, but please do not burn out. I enjoy the regular stuff enough and would not want to risk my supply.
I must have been out of it when I read this because I actually thought you were serious:
Coincidentally, this list also includes the next seven installments of LaughTreks…
Escape! Sorry about the slacking around these parts. In my defense, I’ve done about 90 hrs of overtime in the last 2 weeks. I’m glad to be back!
@ 1 CatieCat
It missed the cut thanks to Eugene’s inexplicable fondness for some of it. You know where to throw the rotten tomatoes!
@ 2 DemetriosX
Sorry, the preamble thing doesn’t do anything for me, and even if it did, I can’t imagine it overcoming the episode’s other flaws.
I had forgotten about “The Apple”! That’s a real winner, that one.
@ 3 ChurchHatesTucker
“The Empath” did have at least one redeeming quality. We both gave it a 2, so it didn’t make the list. Why does it make you angry?
@ 5 toryx
What Eugene said. It was a lot of work, and since we didn’t get much of a response we probably won’t do another one.
@ 6 DemetriosX
No argument here. Michael Dunn is great. It’s just a shame he couldn’t have been in another episode.
Re: scheduling, we’ll do the intro post next Thursday, and then do episodes every Tuesday and Thursday.
@ 7 bobsandiego
You had me seriously worried for a second.
@ 8 Lemnoc
You seriously brought tears to my eyes, I laughed so hard. It’s so true. I should print that out and frame it, or just keep it with my season 3 box set.
@ 10 bobsandiego
The spice must flow?
Oh, and unrelated: DeepThought and I finally watched The Caine Mutiny on Netflix, and we both really liked it! Still not as cool as the Royal Navy, but what can you do… :)
We also attempted to watch Silent Running, but I fell asleep about 45 minutes in. I take it I didn’t miss much?
@4 Eugene “I think Torie was going to lead off the TAS re-watch, since I started the Star Trek Re-Watch. But that’s all still open to debate. Is there a particular reason you want me to take it on first? :P”
Just that she did the last one. And we nerds are prone to OCD.
@7 BobSandDiego
I have a soft spot for that one, since it’s the first one I saw (and it’s pretty impressive that I can remember that.)
But yeah, not on anyone’s best list.
@12 Torie “Why does it make you angry?”
Community theater and mimes. What’s not to punch?
@13 Torie
‘Silent Running’ is one of those films I was talking about, nowhere near as terrible or commensurately entertaining on repeated viewings as ‘Plan 9.’
While SR’s hippie-dippiness has held up about as well as ‘Way to Eden’ 8-/ one thing we tend to forget about it is it really set the stage for the kind of ‘big spaceship’ modeling that would be made famous by ‘Star Wars.’ I remember the first time those star destroyers showed up on the big screen in SW, I almost passed out with excitement. Vader striding in, authoritatively strangling everyone in sight, was like teen joy on overdrive.
Torie@13:
Not really. An hour or so of Bruce Dern being angsty, some decent pre-Star Wars SFX, and an unhappy ending. Find a plot summary somewhere and you should be able to fill in everything you slept through. It is a very slow and soporific movie.
Torie, Now that you’ve seen The Caine Mutiny, can you see what I meant about Bogart’s performance when we were discussing Turnabout Intruder?
S.R. had a very down-beat ending. One of my friends said “I think it’s one of my favorite movies but I’m never going to watch it again.”
Also. Something you may not have caught in what little you saw of Silent Running. The score was written by P. D. Q. Bach – otherwise known as Peter Schickele.
Just wanted to ad my little black book.
You can guess what’s under “E”.
@ 14 ChurchHatesTucker
Don’t tell me you hate puppetry, too??
@ 15 Lemnoc
The spaceships were cool, but Bruce Dern acted like he belonged on Elba II.
@ 17 Ludon
Compared to the Shat in Turnabout, Bogart displays monkish restraint.
@19 Torie
Well, you don’t expect Bruce Dern to play someone sane do you?
@20 bobsandiego: Exactly. He’s like Brad Dourif only less stable.
No, sorry, I can’t buy it. As bad as Plato’s Stepchildren certainly is, I find it nowhere near as pointless, stupid, smarmy, poorly-crafted, and generally intolerable as And the Children Shall Lead.
I also think Day of the Dove, the worst of the Space Douche episodes, deserves to be on the crap list, too. If I compare it against the “Just Plain Losers” list above, I find that all of those had at least one idea worth thinking about, whereas DotD did not. Just a waste of good Klingons, if you ask me.
Torie, glad to hear you liked The Caine Mutiny. Does it change your take on The Doomsday Machine at all?
“And The Children Shall Lead” is near the very top on my personal shitlist. While not as bad as “Plato’s Stepchildren”, it still has all of the worst ingredients of all the bad Trek episodes ( and invents a few for good measure ). What especially grates on my nerves is how out of character most every regular behaves through the entire thing.
Sorry, although someone here ( I can’t remember if it was Torie or Eugene ) thought that Shatner’s performance in his “I’m losing command” scene was spot-on, I simply find it embarrassing to watch. It comes off to me as almost a parody of his breakdown scene in “The Naked Time”. It’s as though the regular cast realize they are trapped in a turkey and give up any effort at performing it well. Nimoy comes across as nearly somnambulistic throughout ( as I feel he was in “Star Trek V ), as though he knows he cannot do anything to improve this turd, and withdraws emotionally in self defense.
“…Children…” “Plato…” , and “…Eden” are the three episodes I would pray were not being aired if a non-fan was ever watching with me… and would cringe over when they did come on. Each may have their moments…but that’s all; moments.
I’d put And the Children Shall Lead on the list instead of Friday’s Child which I have a sneaking fondness for. I know the bows and arrows thing is silly, but at least everyone acts pretty much in character, and I like the crew interactions on the Enterprise
I’d also swap The Empath for A Private Little War, though there’s not much to choose between them.
As I child, I was spared The Empath and Plato’s Stepchildren because the BBC banned them. When I finally got hold of them on videotape, many years later, I rather wished they’d been wiped from the vaults completely!
I was so glad to find these re-reads. Sadly…2 years after the fact. Puzzled by the change in reviewers between Seasons 2 and 3 over at Tor but glad to find Torie & Eugene over here. I still go back to Tor for Leigh Butler’s Wheel of Time and A Song of Ice & Fire re-reads and initially found DeCandido’s TNG re-watch there. I have not yet finished my 3rd season re-watch but Had to chime in about the worst of TOS. There has only been one that I had to turn off in the middle and felt like I was having my teeth drilled; and that was…The Alternative Factor. @7 bobsandiego had me horrified and disbelieving then massively relieved!! In my opinion, it was the only episode with nothing good about it and much that was awful. It was much worse than any 3rd Season shows, so far. I laughed all the way thru Spock’s Brain, every time someone worked RC Spock’s controls I cracked up. Plato’s Stepchildren was horrifyingly awful; especially the specter of Kirk and Spock being forced to rape their friends but I couldn’t turn it off until I found out what happened! Even …Children shall Lead kept me watching all the way thru. Anyway… I have yet to reach the Eden episode or Turnabout Intruder. Can’t wait. Even bad Trek is more fun for me than many other “good” TV shows. I’m hoping to catch up on the next 2 years of re-watches soon. Thanks for the great commentary.
@ 25 Dovahkiina
We’re still here! And happy to talk about old episodes. So if you wind up re-watching, let us know!
I laughed at “Spock’s Brain” the first time, but once Eugene and I LaughTrekked it and I had to see it A THOUSAND TIMES (a precise measure) even the silliness began to wear off. “The Alternative Factor” is truly terrible, though. It’s not even funny, it’s just boring…
@25, & 26
The only things I can say in defense of “The Alternative Factor” are:
1. It might have been much better if the original actor scheduled to play Lazarus ( one of the Barrymores ) hadn’t finked out and not shown up, which left the production team scrambling. It had a fairly intriguing premise, but faulty execution.
2. The episode does feature the one and only time we see that unusual rear angle shot of the Enterprise firing it’s phasers at the planet ( ostensibly of the PORT side of the ship, even though it’s just flopped footage of the one finished side of the model ). It’s a cool shot, and gives me the only reason to wait through the end of the episode! Yes, I know…it’s not much of a reason, but I love starship porn.