“The Infinite Vulcan”
Written by Walter Koenig
Directed by Hal Sutherland
Season 1, Episode 7
Production episode: 22002
Original air date: October 20, 1973
Star date: 5554.4
Mission summary
The Enterprise has come across an unknown planet on the galaxy’s periphery, so they’ve beamed down to investigate. The planet is a vaguely nauseating shade of puke green, and life signs are “confused.” Sulu discovers a little koosh ball in the grass but when he picks it up it pricks him. Dick. Kirk, Spock, and McCoy discover a nearby building emanating energy readings, but before they can investigate they hear a bass scream: it’s Sulu. He’s been poisoned, and only MacGuyver can save him now because he’s got one minute to live.
Luckily, a posse of green-stalked friendlies approaches. The leader introduces himself as Agmar and injects Sulu with an antidote. He explains that the Phylosians are peaceful, animate vegetables, fearful of aliens because the last human who came to the planet brought waves of death and destruction thanks to some kind of disease. Yeah, blame the human, why don’t you. As if I’m supposed to know how much water to dump in there. What the hell does partial sunlight mean, anyway? It was the bees! I did everything I could!
Anyway, Agmar offers to give them a tour of the old greenhouse, where they find the husked-out ancestors of the Phylosians. They were indeed killed by plague, but they also read some kind of bacteria not native the planet. This doesn’t seem to merit any kind of investigation, though (ho-hum), so the crew is taken completely by surprise when a bunch of wyverns descend from the ceiling and coil the crew in their planty (?!?) tendrils. But it was just a diversion! They’ve taken Spock! They have good taste.
AGMAR: He has been chosen to serve a greater cause. The Master has searched many years to find a specimen like Spock. And now, all the worlds of the galaxy will share in the beauty of peace and harmony.
Before Kirk can inform them that we’ve already been forced to watch Spock the Space Hippie in this life, a jolly but not-so-green giant appears. The plants worship him as their “master” and “savior.” He goes by Dr. Stavos Keniclius V, though, and he doesn’t tolerate visitors. He tells the little not-green men to get their asses out of the biosphere before he sends another wyvern attack. Kirk complies, and they beam back to the ship without their friend.
Some library research reveals that Keniclius was a scientist during the Eugenics Wars, bent on creating a master race, and then he disappeared from history. (Shoddy record-keeping from this era, huh?) It seems he came to Phylos and has been cloning himself to continue his work. They have to get Spock back before he becomes Miracle-Gro for a super race. Since phasers don’t work within the botanical garden, McCoy has drummed up some of his grandfather’s old weedkiller, and they don masks and return to the planet armed for some crop-dusting.
No one seems to notice their arrival, so they investigate a bunker just lying around. It’s full of spaceships, but they’re covered in ivy and seem unused. Whatever nefarious plan the greenies had was weedwhacked way back when. They find Agmar uncovering the ivy, though, and Kirk tries a little of the old charm on him–by choke-holding his head-appendage-thing and pulling him offscreen.
Agmar once again defends Keniclius:
AGMAR: The Vulcan-human blend of wisdom, sense of order, durability, and strength is the finest the Master has ever found. We are pleased Spock will carry on our work.
KIRK: Carry on your work?
AGMAR: We are the last of a dying people, Captain. Once we had a great mission. Then disease decimated us. We few are the frail remnant of what survived. Our spore cells have been destroyed. There will be no more of our kind.
If only they knew someone with extensive expertise in cloning…
But greenie does feel for our soft, squishy heroes, and offers to take them to Spock to show just how fine he is. They go through some tunnels until the lights go out, so Kirk, Sulu, and McCoy run as fast as they can toward the light at the end of the tunnel. Luckily this version has a happy ending–they see Spock! But he’s enclosed in some kind of glass case, near death. Wyverns swoop down but McCoy’s family weedkiller manages to fend them off, for a while. Keniclius arrives and tells them to give up. Spock’s fine! He’s living on as… Spock Two!
A giant Vulcan appears. It seems Spock’s consciousness has slowly been transferred to this Gigantor clone, and the real Spock is dying because of it. Kirk tries to appeal to Spock 2’s logic (i.e., THIS MAKES NO SENSE), but the B plot onboard Enterprise manages to make use of itself. Uhura breaks through the communication blockade to tell the landing party about Keniclius’ evil scheme: peace! The damn hippy wants to create a UN peacekeeping force to “impose” peace around the galaxy.
When Kirk tries to explain that peace has already spread across the galaxy–peacefully, mind you, without any imposition–the giant Keniclius doesn’t believe him. He smashes Spock’s incubator and delights in the death of the original Vulcan. Kirk tries one last appeal to what, if any, bit of Spock exists in the giant clone:
KIRK: If you have Spock’s mind, you’ll know the Vulcan symbol called the IDIC.
SPOCK 2: Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations. Symbolizing the elements that create truth and beauty.
KIRK: Could an army of Spocks impose peace and Phylosian philosophy on any other beings in defiance of the IDIC concept?
SPOCK 2: I do not believe so.
This seems to reach Spock 2, who chastises Kirk for his ridiculous attempts at winning the giant Vulcan over and shortcuts the resolution with a handy Vulcan mind touch. The original Spock wakes up, cracks a joke at Kirk’s expense, and suggests tying up the loose ends by leaving Gigantor-Spock on the planet with Keniclius to rebuild the animate vegetable planet and prepare it for entrance into the Federation.
But before we can safely turn this one off, Sulu has to make it weird for everyone:
KIRK: By the way, Mister Sulu, any chance of teaching me that body throw? Could come in handy sometime.
SULU: I don’t know, sir. It isn’t just physical, you know. You have to be inscrutable.
KIRK: Inscrutable? Sulu, you’re the most scrutable man I know.
And winks. What.
Analysis
What fresh hell is this? I can’t begin to imagine what compelled Mr. Koenig to mix the best of the series (“Space Seed”) with the worst of the series (“Spock’s Brain”). We finally get to see another “augment” (that’s good!), but unfortunately his superior intellect gets channelled for the same purpose as the Others (that’s bad!). He has the advanced knowledge and technology to successfully transport himself to the periphery of the galaxy, clone himself ,and transfer his own consciousness (all cool!), but hasn’t gotten a newspaper or even picked up a passing HAM radio signal in 200 years to know that the war is long over (lame!).
I feel sort of stunned by this episode, as my muddled brain tries to make sense of what happened. I could barely keep track of what was going on, and kept getting sidetracked by what seemed like GLARING PLOT ISSUES that none of the characters ever notice. How exactly do you stun a building? If it doesn’t photosynthesize, and it does move around–like, say, a pink flying wyvern–is it seriously still supposed to be a plant? Forget the handwavy science, though. It was the arbitrary tension (“He’s only got one minute to live!”) and nonsense plotting (“Sure, I’ll show you where Spock is… as soon as I flip lights out in this tunnel of love!”) that drove me crazy.
It’s not until the very end of the episode that we get a morsel of a good idea: what happens to a warrior who becomes obsolete in an age of peace? Well, we’ll never know, because the giants are going to become consummate gardeners and forget that whole silly obsession with the master race. As it turns out, gardening is a lot like fighting! What with the sharp objects, rank filth, and general degradation of spirit as the living creatures you’ve sworn to protect die off one by one…
Hand me the weedwhacker.
Torie’s Rating: Warp 1 (on a scale of 1-6)
Eugene Myers: I was actually looking forward to this episode. I rather liked the title, and I was excited to see what Walter Koenig had come up with. But the script misfires right from the start, with some of the most bizarre dialogue we’ve heard yet on the series and some odd characterization. (Sulu’s an experienced botanist, but he tries to pick up an ambulatory alien plant?!) I was baffled most of the time, from the moment Kirk utters the line, “We always encourage our officers to make friends with the natives,” to the very last lines of the show: “Inscrutable? Sulu, you’re the most scrutable man I know.” And then Sulu breaks the fourth wall and actually winks at us! Clearly he knows we’ve just been had. I wish I could laugh along with him.
I found the sentient plant life forms interesting–I loved the shot of the giant husks of their previous generation moldering in the great hall. The tragic story of their first encounter with humans and the devastating outcome does tug at the heart strings, and of course the situation is evocative of real history. But so much of the episode just doesn’t hang together–it’s a patchwork of ideas (a “modern Diogenes,” cloning, and a “master race” imposing its idea of peace on the universe) linked by increasingly random plot developments. Some of these possibilities should have been explored in a more thoughtful script, one that doesn’t involve a giant Spock.
I mean, let’s think about this for a moment. Agmar and his people are dying off. If only there were some way to preserve them, maybe through…cloning? The implications of the process, that life must be destroyed in order to create new life, is compelling, but then of course Spock proves that it mustn’t be so–at least not for him–thanks to the good old “Vulcan mind touch.” Meanwhile, I’m disturbed by the fact that giant Spock has all the memories of the original, but must stay behind on this wacky planet with an obsessed genius to fight for a cause that was imposed on him. Do you suppose Kirk ever visits his old friend again? What a miserable fate, even if he is able to accomplish some good in the end.
I liked the numerous callbacks to the original series, with references to the Eugenics War and the Vulcan IDIC, but Spock’s kidnapping was also an uncomfortable reminder of “Spock’s Brain”–especially when McCoy says, “He’s dying. Something’s happened to his brain.”
“The Infinite Vulcan” seems like the most cartoony of the animated episodes yet, with a really goofy story that is simultaneously faithful to Star Trek and wildly off the mark. As previous episodes have established, the episode doesn’t fail because of limitations of the form, but because it panders to them. That, and the poor writing. Sorry, Mr. Koenig, but I hoped for more from you.
Eugene’s Rating: Warp 2
Best Line: MCCOY: “Well, how ’bout that? Great-granddaddy’s weed spray still works!”
Trivia: Koenig’s script was picked up when he tried to hire Roddenberry’s assistant to type it for him. Roddenberry saw it, read it, and invited Koenig to contribute it to the series. It was one of his first sales as a writer. He was asked to write additional episodes, but declined out of, he says, bitterness at not being included in the cast.
Koenig says the premise came to him from contemporary newspaper articles about cloning. He also came up with the galactic peacekeeping force. It was Roddenberry, however, who suggested the talking plants, to take advantage of the animated format. As a result the episode went through a dozen drafts, an experience Koenig described as “miserable.”
Koenig read for the part of Keniclius, but he later learned the show had no intention of hiring him.
The “retlaw,” the plant that attacks Sulu, is “Walter” spelled backwards.
Other notes: This episode re-affirmed (until it was uncanonized…) a few events in Federation history: the Federation’s founding date in the 22nd century; Augments; and the Eugenics Wars. It also mentions the Kzinti.
Previous episode: Season 1, Episode 6 – “The Survivor.”
Next episode: Season 1, Episode 8 – “The Magicks of Megas-Tu.” US residents can watch it for free at the CBS website.
Part of me wants to assume they were just throwing ol’ Walter a bone for being left out of the cast and part of me thinks he had an OK script that Roddenberry over-rewrote and screwed up. We’ve seen evidence of the latter a couple of times in TOS and it wouldn’t surprise me. The most telling clues would be to know a) who dubbed the first plant retlaw (if it was WK, oooh massive ego trip) and b) who put in the IDIC (the cast was pretty cheesed off about that thing when it was first introduced). Given that Koenig wrote a handful of other TV episodes, a few plays and screenplays, and a handful of novels (don’t know about the ghost writer situation there, though), I’m going to assume we’re seeing a lot of Roddenberry’s hamfisted fingerprints all over this dog.
By today’s standards, that “inscrutable” business is pretty borderline. But since Koenig and Takei are good friends, I’m guessing that was something of an in joke. It was also the only thing from this episode that I remembered, at least in the sense of going “Oh, yeah” when I read the recap.
Yeah, I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who twitched at the “inscrutable” line. At least it was a “body throw” and not a “judo chop” or something.
But didn’t they already establish Kirk as a consummate wrestler? Maybe only when half-naked or getting sweaty with strangely all-powerful space orphans.
As to the episode contents itself — just — wtf? Seriously? How do plants even get infected by bacteria from a distant species anyway? Couldn’t they just make some cuttings and re-grow? Was this an inspiration for A Fire Upon the Deep? Why would you make yourself gigantic?
This episode was not among the finest.
Grb. I don’t remember this one at all, and from the description, sounds like a probable blocking-of-traumatic-memories thing. Poor wonderful and fabulous George Takei (one of the few people who can make me stand up and shout, pumping my fist in the air, pretty much any time he talks anymore), having to take part in that farcical ending line. Guh.
I seem able to form only some words fully, the others are just refusing to come out of my head and be associated with this episode.
Warp: “Captain, the dilithium crystals are cracked again! Could we maybe just use a REALLY BIG pile of coal instead?”
Aaaand this is the episode I always throw out when people complain about TAS not being canon.
Warp 1. I may revise it down after revisiting some other episodes.
I guess I’d give this one a two, but prhaps I’m just expecting less from the animated shows. I do like that they tried to connect this to part of the Federation Universe as a whole, better than the LIve action did on several accounts. The plant aliens were silly, but that my old bio major showing through. There are reason why plants are the way they are, and putting in chlorophil to make your skin gree will not provide you with any reasonable amount of food. (Yes I’m looking at your Mr. Scalzi.) Biology is where a lot of SF falls flat on its face and I usually just have to ignore that whole branch of science.
This epispde had several hallmark of bad third season including Spock the Magic Vulcan. Not only can mind-meld be done quickly it can transfer minds or make new ones by fission.
Yeah the villian seemed seriously out of touch, made me think of those Japanese Solider still fighting the war decades later.
@ 1 DemetriosX
It was Koenig who came up with the Retlaw. He liked to do it with other names in other things he wrote, apparently.
I’m sorry that’s what you remember. The plant dudes are kind of cool.
@ 2 DeepThought
Considering most plants can produced asexually, it’s kind of bizarre that they needed a cloning expert to figure this stuff out.
@ 3 CatieCat
Takei is most certainly the coolest ex-TOSser.
@ 4 ChurchHatesTucker
Uh-oh…
@ 5 bobsandiego
I give Scalzi slack for that, as they’re supposed to be genetically engineered supermen, not naturally occurring lifeforms that presumably evolved according to the laws of nature all on their own.
@4 ChurchHatesTucker
I think I’ll have to revise my score down to Warp 1 later. I’m still trying to figure out how to rate these animated episodes, and I held off because I figured surely there would be an even more awful one ahead.
@5 bobsandiego
I also thought of Scalzi’s books, particularly with the way the cloning process works here.
Spock the Magic Vulcan
Ha! I may have to use that as a tag in the next episode!
@5 bobsandiego
Also in Scalzi’s defense, those supersoldiers don’t get all their energy from photosynthesis. It’s just an extra energy source. Maybe enough for the BrainPal or to keep the heart beating (that’s only about a watt).
So I did a little looking at Memory Alpha, and apparently, while Koenig came up with the retlaw, Roddenberry meddled with the script exetensively (something that seems to have happened a lot), including coming up with the plant people.
@ 2 Deep Thought — Why would you make yourself gigantic?
I’ve managed to come up with a plausible explanation for that. Agmar never says why he and his colleagues are so much smaller than the dead Phylosians, so I’m going to say it’s because they’re so young. Assume that the Phylosians live for thousands of years, and keep growing (as plants do). The dead Phylosians were giants because they were full adults. Since they built the fleet of spaceships, presumably the ships were built on their scale. When the original Dr. Keniclius decided to take up the Phylosians’ scheme for an army of peacekeepers, he decided to make his clone extra-large so it would be on the same scale as the adult Phylosians’ buildings and technology. The Spock clone was super-sized for the same reason.
And I must say, it sure was thoughtful of Dr. Keniclius to provide Spock 2 with a XXXXXL-sized copy of his Starfleet uniform.
Plants top out at about 8% effeciency at turning solar energy into chemical energy.( Most are under 5%) Solar Insolation on Earth, on a sunny day, assuming direct sunlight no off angle is about 1000 watts per year per meter at sea level, or about 2.73 watts per day per meter. Human skin surface area is about 1.5-2.0 meters, but only half of that is going to be facing the sun so about .75-1.0, call it 1 meter. So naked green person playing the role of plant, laying flat on their back at the equator on a sunny day produces about .22 watts per day. And this person can’t wear clothe or run around or they’ll suffer massive losses. It’s not practical. You’d do better installing flexiable solar cells just under the skin and making the person jet blakc, but then you;d have one hell of a heat issue.
@2 DeepThought @9 JohnnyPez
After seeing the giant remnants of the previous generation of Phylians, it seemed like he was just matching the scale. Or maybe if he’s using their DNA to clone people, it’s an unavoidable side effect of the process.
And I must say, it sure was thoughtful of Dr. Keniclius to provide Spock 2 with a XXXXXL-sized copy of his Starfleet uniform.
D’oh! I didn’t even think of that. Geeze.
It seemed like almost every time I tuned into TAS while it was on NBC, or briefly syndicated in the late 70’s it would always be this episode… which is and was one of my least favorite ( if not my very least favorite ) episode ( others include The Lorelei Signal ).
Even when Nickelodeon first started airing the series in the mid 80’s, it was this same f@$&ing episode that I recorded first!
I don’t understand why the inscrutable thing is weird to people, unless you’re talking about inscrutable meaning impenetrable, and Takei being gay.
Also, how come no one mentioned the huge animation mistake? Spock is taken off his Sleeping Beauty bed and is in McCoy’s arms as he’s slowly dying, but when the giant gets angry, Spock’s back on the bed. So did he get moved or not?