“Contagion”
Written by Steve Gerber & Beth Woods
Directed by Joseph L. Scanlan
Season 2, Episode 11
Original air date: March 20, 1989
Star date: 42609.1
Mission summary
Enterprise risks entering the Neutral Zone to rendezvous with her sister ship, the Yamato, which is suffering serious system malfunctions. As her dour captain Donald Varley tells them that he’s lost an engineering team and the Yamato is continuing to fall apart, Data downloads her ship logs and notices one tiny, insignificant hiccup in the process that probably doesn’t mean anything.
Varley explains that he’s discovered the homeworld of the legendary Iconians, a technologically advanced race whose high-tech ruins would be a strategic advantage to the Romulans if they should reach it first. Once this key piece of exposition has been delivered, the Yamato explodes, leaving no survivors. With impeccable timing, a Romulan warbird decloaks. The Romulan commander demands they leave at once, but Picard refuses until they have proof that the Romulans had nothing to do with Yamato’s destruction. Time for a staff meeting.
La Forge reports that the magnetic shields of the Yamato’s warp drive failed, and the backup safety mechanism failed, leading him to agree with Varley’s theory that there’s a showstopping design flaw. While he puzzles that out, Picard checks Varley’s logs for exposition they might have missed, and learns that not only was Varley obsessed with finding the Iconians, but that one of their probes had scanned Yamato. He tries to rush out of his ready room to tell Data, but the automatic doors don’t open at first. Eh, these things happen. No need to mention it to anyone. He decides to take Enterprise to the planet where Yamato was probed.
It’s only while Picard is comforting a quietly freaking out Wesley that the captain realizes something is amiss with Enterprise—instead of giving him “tea, Earl Grey, hot,” he gets a beautiful flower. Now that his tea supply has been cut off, he realizes that the ship is experiencing the same malfunctions that led to Yamato’s demise. La Forge confirms: The ship isn’t flawed. The problem actually originated with the Iconian probe, which looked a lot like the one headed for Enterprise. Picard decides to capture it so his engineer can study it.
La Forge flips out and tries to warn the captain, but the comm system fails and numerous doors don’t open, so he runs flailing down the corridors. He reaches a turbolift, which bounces him around like a pinball before spitting him out onto the Bridge in an impressive pratfall. He tells them to destroy the probe, which they manage to do just in time. Apparently the probe’s scan would have installed an Iconian computer program that could wreak havoc on their systems far more quickly than the malware they downloaded with the Yamato’s logs.
Their problems mount, and Picard beams down with Data and Worf to the Iconian probe launch site to search for a solution. After they depart, the Romulans decloak and seem to threaten Enterprise, which is unable to defend itself due to more malfunctions. Fortunately, the Romulans also seem to be having trouble with their systems, and the false tension is deflated.
Data and Picard manage to translate basic Iconian in one of their control rooms, enough to be able to activate a mysterious holographic image that provides an instantaneous portal to various locations in the galaxy, including the bridges of the Enterprise and the Romulan warbird. Unable to contact their ship, this might be the only way home. Then Data gets zapped by the console and infected with the Iconian malware, rendering him blind and incapacitated as it rewrites his programming.
Data talks Picard through the command sequence to trigger a catastrophic explosion to destroy the Iconian base. Worf carries Data through the Iconian gateway to Enterprise while Picard stays behind to blow everything up.
On Enterprise, La Forge is unable to save Data, but just when it looks like he’s dead, he wakes up with only temporary memory loss and his trademark wide-eyed innocence; his “self-correcting mechanism” rebooted his system and wiped the affected memory, rolling him back to a previous state. They complete the same system restore on Enterprise, just in time to lock on with their transporters and rescue Picard—who had escaped the planet by going through the gateway onto the Romulan bridge. They send over instructions to the Romulans on how to save their ship, which has triggered an autodestruct sequence, and get the hell away from them in case it doesn’t work.
Picard awkwardly laughs the whole thing off:
Well, Number One, I can see why you want to keep the away missions to yourself. That’s where the excitement is. So, what’s been happening here? Same old routine, I suppose?
Analysis
This episode really only has one idea: What if the Enterprise were infected with an alien computer virus? I think even in 1987, we knew how to deal with situations like this: CTRL-ALT-DEL to start with, scrubbing the registry, or wiping the computer and reinstalling the OS. And even if this fabricated dramatic tension worked twenty-five years ago, it sure doesn’t hold up now when we have things like Apple Time Machine and Windows System Restore and the like.
They present Galaxy-class starships like Enterprise and Yamato as “the most sophisticated piece of machinery ever built.” And yet the ship’s ninety-percent automated system is incapable of automatically dealing with a software issue that Data is seemingly designed to handle. Varley was right: It is a design flaw.
The implications of a fully automated ship now needing to run entirely on manual isn’t even explored in an interesting or compelling way, especially with a sworn enemy to Starfleet looming in front of them. Much of the episode is played for comedy, relying on slapstick antics more than most. (As Deanna says, “In another time or place, this could be funny.”) I did laugh a few times, but I was more prone to making fun of it. The entire tone of the script is off. Jokes fall flat or are ill-timed, and Picard in particular is more flip than he should be, cracking awkward jokes at inappropriate moments. The actors can only make up for some of the script’s shortcomings, but I felt like we had slipped back to the character dynamics we had earlier in the season. And Picard’s arrogant moralizing even returns briefly, with his comment, “There is an unfortunate tendency in many cultures to fear what they do not understand.” Sigh.
The jokes aren’t the only problem. The pacing is also way off. It’s incredibly tedious with a lot of talking that was ninety percent exposition. There are only a few character moments, the most believable of which was Wesley’s reaction to the loss of the Yamato, which is barely a blip in the narrative. Unfortunately most of that scene was given over to still more exposition, but I appreciated the attempt to acknowledge and kind of reflect on the shocking death. It’s just as telling that Picard is interrupted in the midst of saying, “But if the time ever comes when the death of a single individual fails to move us—” Trained to deal with this sort of thing or not, I would have liked more than just some extended reaction shots to gloss over the explosion.
Alas, this episode continues to misfire in all directions, from terrible acting from Captain Varley to logical inconsistencies and the crime of making characters do things to move the plot forward, and not because they are believable. While I’m not shocked by a Starfleet captain exercising poor judgment in the name of a personal crusade, I am worried about doctors that can’t provide basic medical assistance without machines, and someone at an archaeological site allowing someone to walk off with a precious, irreplaceable alien artifact.
But the biggest disappointment is that this episode wastes a cool idea like the Iconian gateway, which is albeit reminiscent of Harlan Ellison’s™ Guardian of Forever but still remains one of my favorite concepts in TNG.
Though there are many lines that are memorable because I used to like them, they don’t really work for me anymore as real dialogue in real situations. (Eg. “Fate protects fools, little children, and ships named Enterprise.”) Ultimately, this episode had a high nostalgia factor once I remembered which one it was, but it just doesn’t live up to my expectations.
Eugene’s Rating: Warp 2 (on a scale of 1-6)
Thread Alert: Not a lot to choose from in this episode: Do we make fun of Wesley’s faux uniform or the square Romulan shirts? I decided to go with Wesley, because no matter how many times I see him in that thing, I discover new ways in which it’s terrible. I mean, check out what happens in his crotch area. Why? It’s like the director even took a page out of Marc Daniels’ book and tried to use the chair to strategically spare us. Wesley’s expression pretty much says it all. The caption on this one would read, “Sir? May I please have some more exposition?”
Best Line: LAFORGE (face down on the floor after being electrocuted and flying across Engineering) : Data?
DATA: Yes?
LAFORGE: What happened?
DATA: Any answer would be mere speculation. This is yet another example of how our actions have random results.
LAFORGE: Thanks, Data. I noticed.
Trivia/Other Notes: Gene Roddenberry initially resisted the idea for this story on the grounds that Federation technology is so advanced, it never malfunctions. So how do we explain the holodeck?
This is the first time a Galaxy-class starship explodes onscreen. We’ll see that footage again, many times. This is also the first time Picard orders, “Tea, Earl Grey, hot.” We’ll also see that many more times. We are also introduced to his love for archaeology, which is explored in more depth in later episodes of the series.
The Iconian gateway is referenced again in the DS9 episode “To the Death.”
Guest actor Carolyn Seymour (Romulan commander) has appeared in many other SF television series in the US and UK, including Quantum Leap (with Scott Bakula) and the original Survivors, as well as video games Mass Effect and Dragon Age: Origins. She returns as a different Romulan commander in the sixth season TNG episode “Face of the Enemy” and other episodes of TNG and Voyager.
Previous episode: Season 2, Episode 10 – “The Dauphin.”
Next episode: Season 2, Episode 12 – “The Royale.”
Seriously, I think the only thing this episode has going for it is the introduction of Picard’s love of Earl Grey. The Icosians generally proved to lead to weak stories and any episode that really involved Picard’s interest in archaeology meant Vash got involved.
In 1989, most people still might not have really been aware of computer viruses and the means of recovering from them. But I had had a Mac for 4 years and I certainly knew what to do. This episode just smacks of some writer getting a virus on his shiny new computer that he uses like a typewriter, having some more technically inclined acquaintance fix the problem, and thinking it would make a good story. After all, he’d never heard of it, so obviously nobody else had either. Unfortunately for everyone involved, Trek’s audience was rather self-selected to know more about it. Half the people watching had to be shouting the right answer at the screen. This one really is a throwback to the bad old days of the first season and a half.
Lol. The Royal is next.
One of my biggest disappointment with TNG is that whenever they came up with an interesting pre-existing civilization they always squander it or just make it a problem that is usually only solved by destroying the evidence.
I like archaeology too so it always pissed me off when they ended up having to destroy some relic of an ancient civilization so that they could survive. And once again I find myself wondering: Why does every interesting idea have to come with a life or death situation?
Thank goodness modern day television doesn’t rely on that quite as much.
Hm. Guess I’m in the minority here. On an original watch, we don’t really know whether the contagion is something a reboot might cure, or whether systems are being permanently rewritten. Hence, when Data begins to malfunction, it may be that he is rendered permanently effed up.
A half dozen additional seasons tells us that anything that happens here is impermanent, but that is a problem with any episode in which central characters or the ship are endangered.
I admit to liking this episode when it originally aired, although it certainly and admittedly could have used more, and it continues to hold up in certain aspects. Part of what makes it work is the plausibility of what is being unleashed here—it is a minor miracle with all of its contained energy sources and forces, the Enterprise doesn’t just blow up on its own accord. The idea that their beloved vessel may be fatally flawed gives this episode a dramatic tension, but the point is made that this is inappropriately played for laughs. And I agree, attempting to reboot the systems should have been the very first thing tried.
The Star Trek wiki notes that Roddenberry disliked the concept from the outset, apparently believing technology wouldn’t malfunction in the future. It seems a lot of these scripts that have to fight against Gene’s ego or or tyranny or dementia end up poorly made in one way or another. I wonder if there is an association.
There’s just so much here that just doesn’t work. I think Eugene and previous commenters have called it out, but really? They can’t just reboot in Safe Mode? There are no checks whatsoever for a fully-automated system?? 1940s engineering would have been more thorough than this. I guess standards may have declined in the preceding couple hundred years.
Also the whole Archaeological Arms Race thing is ho-hum. It’s at least fair to acknowledge that it’s an old universe and other races may have been around a lot longer than us and learned a lot more, but the Cold War tension of Feds-vs.-Romulans just doesn’t seem to make much sense in the Trek universe. And I don’t understand why Picard had to blow everything up; it seems like the Iconians’ hidey-hole is pretty well defended already if it’s sending poison probes.
Also, Captain Janeway would not be amused at the destruction of this gateway thingy. Just saying.
And don’t we usually find these things in Egypt rather than on random planets in the DMZ?
@5 DeepThought
Raises an important point about the many absurd design and engineering assumptions of the Trek universe. How dumb is it, for instance, to have widescale containment via forcefields, whether in holding out the vacuum of space or providing a door to the brig? Seems like the very instance of an emergency (a loss or reduction of power, for example) would trigger so many many additional emergencies (explosive decompression, the escape of dangerous criminals, etc.). It’s a design arrogance so weighted to high-tech that Star Fleet seems sadly vulnerable to very simple forms of sabotage—Coca-Cola poured into a high-energy control panel, f’rinstance. Some dumbass kid releasing his Tribble Habitrail.
In TOS, the Auxiliary Control Room very quickly became a instant commandeering station that any sane commander would weld permanently shut. In TNG, that design idiocy has taken over the entire ship.
Another Carolyn Seymour SF/Fantasy role was as a reluctant mutineer in the uncomfortably dumb second season “Space:1999” episode “The Seance Spectre”. Also, you left out that she was the alien FTL scientist in the TNG episode “First Contact” ( not to be confused with the movie of the same name ).
One of the funniest things about this (OMG, will the dreck ever STOP?!?!) “episode” is the scenes playing in the Iconians’ teleporter gizmo. One of them is Toronto City Hall and Nathan Phillips Square (the curved building around what looks like a flying saucer, with arches over a rectangular pool in the foreground), another appears to be the Acropolis.
So whenever it popped up on screen, we would start shouting “GO TO TORONTO! GO DIRECTLY TO TORONTO! DO NOT PASS GO! DO NOT COLLECT 200 CREDITS!”
—c’mon now–warp two?—this has been an episode that i think about from time to time–seat of your pants exploration and analysis–with a healthy dose of danger–so what that they didn’t know about system restore?–we have the unfair advantage of experiencing the technological advancements since 1989–so of course we know better–and i suppose that thingy in spock’s ear was just bluetooth?
You don’t even need computers to know how to confront this issue. This episode reminded me of an old B&W TV we used to have, where if whacking the side didn’t work, sometimes you’d have to unplug it and plug it back in to get the lines to disappear. And why isn’t there a system restore!? So the new alien program wants to re-write the program, yeah? REINSTALL THE OS. WE’LL WAIT. I can’t believe the Enterprise doesn’t even have partitions.
I had to fight to stay awake during this one. I think it’s telling that even on re-watch, I had no memory of watching it whatsoever. It’s so missable. Worst scene: Wesley deciding to interrupt his captain because he has feelings. Um, where is the ship’s counselor?! Isn’t that the only thing she’s good for?! Yet more proof of her irrelevance.
Nothing else much to say here. Warp 1.
@ 1 DemetriosX
Vash. Shudder.
Your hypothesis makes me wonder why TNG didn’t try the same “well I’ve never heard of it so obviously you haven’t either” philosophy on its planetary cultures. They always go for the big ones: fascists, communists, etc. Where are the “obscure” subcultures? The space goths? Law & Order loved to do that. This week in NYC subcultures: polar bears! Next week: parkour! Then the circus! TNG could go to the planet of SF conventions! See guys, I can write a first season episode myself.
@ 3 Toryx
It’s especially troubling since it’s clear that Picard and the away team are perfectly safe down there without the ship (well, Data not so much). Couldn’t you send a team of anthropologists to study it, sans ship? But no, they have to keep it out of the hands of the Romulans… I wonder if Picard would feel that way about Shakespeare, you know? The Romulans go back in time to claim him for their own! Obviously we must kill him to prevent this happening!
@ 6 Lemnoc
Reminds me of BSG: the only ship that survived the technological holocaust was the one that hadn’t had the upgrade.
I never understood why they didn’t have doors on the brig either.
@ 8 CaitieCat
I wonder why he doesn’t go to Toronto? Probably because they don’t speak enough French there. Now, if it had been Montreal, Picard would’ve been outta there…
@10 Torie
I suppose you could argue that it’s harder to talk about big issues using obscure cultures/philosophies. The situation has to represent a kind of shorthand that clues the audience in quickly, since they don’t really have a lot of time for exposition. That or the writers were just lazy.
♫ Headin’ out to Eden. Yea, brother. ♫
Wouldn’t that be the Klingons. After all, Hamlet was originally written in Klingonese.
Oh, now that calls for a filk:
♫ Heading out to Eden
Whaaaaaat a bother
Heading out to Eden
Suuuuuuch a bother
Deep dark feelings in my body and my mind
Gonna look like a corpse, drinkin’ absinthe and lime
Stare at my shoes and mumble all the time
What a bother, yea. ♫
Huh. Shoulda called it “Moping out to Eden”.