One of the reasons we did the rating system is because people like to rank things. Okay, I like to rank things. We had toyed with fractional warps but in the end, the rating system is less about scientific accuracy than it is about putting episodes in the same general group/pool as each other. Is “Obsession” better than “By Any Other Name”? Well… maybe. But we can at least agree they’re both better than “The Empath.”
You understand.
So let’s see the top tiers. Out of 79 episodes, only eight managed to get both Eugene and my unequivocal admiration. Can you guess which ones?
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“The Cage”
Written by Gene Roddenberry
Directed by Robert Butler
Original Pilot
Production episode: 1
Original air date: October 4, 1988
Star date: Unknown
Mission summary
Without any helpful narration over the opening credits, or even some kind of “captain’s log,” it’s hard to tell just what’s going on here. This ship, which is called U.S.S. Enterprise, seems to be on a mission in space. The duration of its voyage and its purpose is unclear, but my instincts tell me the crew is seeking out new life and new civilizations, or vice versa, as the case might be. But they’re certainly going where no one has gone before.
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Like all good things, our intrepid voyage through Star Trek has come to an end. But why let that stop us? The Enterprise has a continuing mission, and so do we: to watch even more Star Trek. I know, I know, we’re crazy. But we kind of love it. We’re nerds.
Next week we’ll be posting our usual Season 3 Wrap-Up. Then, due to popular demand, we’ll be reviewing “The Cage.” Finally, we’ll close the book on TOS with a Series Wrap-Up. We’ll probably do some post-series statistical number crunching to find out which episodes were the best and worst based on our warp system, and compare that to what our gut says.*
Next up: The Animated Series, of course! Eugene suggested we do this very early on in the process and I agreed, mostly because it’s short and it’s easy to rag on Filmation. But because the episodes, too, are short, and because no one wants to spend 5 months on TAS, we’ll be doing two posts a week: Tuesdays and Thursdays.
I’ve wanted to do the movies since we started, since I love them so, and we’ll eventually get to those and wrap up the TOS canon, as it were.
Now many of you know that Eugene and are I both, at heart, TNG fans. (I can hear the boos through the internet, I know.) But we’re not interested in re-watching all 176 episodes, because a) I want to finish this before I retire; and b) not all of them are worth re-watching, let’s be honest here. So we’ll be doing a limited re-watch of TNG. Each season we will pick between us a few of the episodes we’d really like to cover–our favorites or our least favorites–and the rest of the season we’ll leave up to a poll, and let you folks choose the 5 or 10 episodes to add to those. Details are hazy; ask again later. But we hope this is the best system for skipping the mediocrity and going straight for the very good and the very bad, i.e. the episodes most worth talking about.
Over the past two years you’ve been our constant companions and for that we are so very grateful. We hope we’ll continue to see you all in the weeks and months to come. Bring your friends! Drinks are on us.**
*All I know is, my gut says maybe.
** If by “drinks” you mean “episode reviews.”
“Turnabout Intruder”
Teleplay by Arthur Singer
Story by Gene Roddenberry
Directed by Herb Wallerstein
Season 3, Episode 24
Production episode: 3×24
Original air date: June 3, 1969
Star date: 5928.5
Mission summary
The Enterprise has arrived at Camus II where a team of researchers exploring a long-lost civilization have sent out a distress signal. When they beam down they find that only two scientists have survived the mysterious circumstances: Dr. Coleman, the surgeon, and Dr. Janice Lester, the expedition’s leader and an old flame of Kirk’s. Dr. Lester is bedridden from radiation poisoning and seems on the brink of death. Kirk goes to her, but she can barely speak. (He’s just that impressive.) He stays with her as Spock, McCoy, and Dr. Coleman detect weak lifesigns elsewhere on the station and exit in pursuit.
While Kirk and Dr. Lester arbor some residual tenderness towards one another, they have some resentment issues like you wouldn’t believe:
JANICE: I hoped I wouldn’t see you again.
KIRK: I don’t blame you.
JANICE: The year we were together at Starfleet is the only time in my life I was alive.
KIRK: I never stopped you from going on with your space work.
JANICE: Your world of starship captains doesn’t admit women. It isn’t fair.
KIRK: No, it isn’t. And you punished and tortured me because of it.
JANICE: I loved you. We could’ve roamed among the stars.
KIRK: We’d have killed each other.
JANICE: It might have been better.
Kirk, in his wisdom, doesn’t respond to that particular remark. Instead he explores the room he’s in a little bit. Short attention span, that captain. Against the back wall of the sick room is a lighted structure, with some kind of alien markings all over it. With his back turned to Janice, Kirk inspects the strange wall. Seems… wall-y. Yep. Well, that was productive. Meanwhile, Janice pulls out a remote control and points it at Kirk. With a buzz from the remote he is pulled against the wall and immobilized. It’s a trap!1 Dr. Lester, smiling, gets out of bed easily–so much for radiation sickness–and walks toward him. On the side of the structure are two switches, and she flips one and then stands beside Kirk against the wall. Thanks to the wonders of crappy special effects, we see a shadow of Kirk lift out of his body and overlay onto hers, while a shadow of Lester lifts out of her body and onto the captain’s. They’ve switched bodies!
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“All Our Yesterdays”
Written by Jean Lisette Aroeste
Directed by Marvin Chomsky
Season 3, Episode 23
Production episode: 3×23
Original air date: March 14, 1969
Star date: 5943.7
Mission summary
Enterprise arrives at Sarpeidon three-and-a-half hours before its star, Beta Niobe, goes supernova, only to discover that the planet has already been evacuated. Where everyone has gone is anyone’s guess, since Sarpeidon hadn’t yet discovered space travel. A strong power reading on the surface leads Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, and Dr. McCoy to some sort of archive, where they are greeted by an old librarian, Mr. Atoz. The poor guy is so happy to have patrons to serve, he doesn’t even notice they’re out-of-towners or bother to check their library cards. Kirk asks him where everyone went, but Atoz is too senile or focused on helping them to give him a straight answer.
ATOZ: It depended on the individual, of course. If you wish to trace a specific person, I’m sorry, but that information is confidential.
MCCOY: No, no particular person, just people in general. Where did they go?
ATOZ: Ah, you find it difficult to choose, is that it? Yes, a wide range of alternatives is a mixed blessing, but perhaps I can help. Would you step this way, please?
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“The Savage Curtain”
Teleplay by Arthur Heinemann and Gene Roddenberry
Story by Gene Roddenberry
Directed by Herschel Daugherty
Season 3, Episode 22
Production episode: 3×22
Original air date: March 7, 1969
Star date: 5906.4
Mission summary
The Enterprise is in orbit around a molten lava-coated and poisonous planet that nonetheless reads carbon-based life. Seems like a classic mission for our bunch, but unfortunately the mysteries of Excalbia will have to go unexplored because the molten planetary surface isn’t suitable for a landing party. Just as Kirk turns that starship right around so no one can go to Mordor, the Enterprise jumps to red alert: they’re being scanned. “A deep probe, incredibly swift,” Spock says (miraculously without giggling).
On the viewscreen, a man in a black suit, seated in a leather chair, and wearing a stovepipe hat appears to float.
ALIEN THING: No need to check your voice telegraph device. Do I gather that you recognize me?
KIRK: I recognize what you appear to be.
ALIEN THING: And appearances can be most deceiving, but not in this case, James Kirk. I am Abraham Lincoln.
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“The Cloud Minders”
Written by Margaret Armen
Story by David Gerrold and Oliver Crawford
Directed by Jud Taylor
Season 3, Episode 21
Production episode: 3×19
Original air date: February 28, 1969
Star date: 5818.4
Mission summary
To combat a devastating botanical plague that threatens the non-botanical life on Merak II, Enterprise heads to Ardana, a Federation world that possesses unobtainium zenite, the only thing in the universe that can save the trees. Upon arrival, they’re invited to the cloud city Stratos for an audience with the High Advisor Plasus, but they’re in too much of a hurry for pomp and circumstance. Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock beam down directly to the zenite mine entrance to pick up the prescription they ordered from drugstore.com and get on their way. However, they do spare some time to gaze admiringly at the city floating above and discuss its utter devotion to art and purely intellectual pursuits.
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Making "Spock's Brain" re-watchable.
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Torie: For the past two years, Eugene and I have written about 50,000 words–each–about Star Trek, not including plot summaries, comment threads, and trivia. All week I’ve wondered, is there anything left to say about the series that hasn’t been said already? 